Information & Advice -> Your Personal Checklist
Before
you start to contact a Russian women, prepare yourself by defining a
'what is important for me' list and use this list as
your criteria for seeking a
new (Russian) compatible partner.
The
(example) criteria below are different with those questionnaires you can find
at almost any Dating Agency on the web. Those questionnaires have more questions
like 'smoking yes/no, or
'want to have kids
yes/no' etc.). But the criteria below, can have some importance for your mutual future relationship, especially when you
both already are in an advanced progress of your relationship.
Give
your list a priority value from 1 to 5 (where 1 is 'very important' and 5 is 'I
don't mind') print this
page and keep it with you. Don't forget, this list is only for you,
not to send to your partner.
Your future partner also needs to know what's important for
you, probably she will also use a list like this.
This list is just an example, use your 'own'
questions and use your personal experience from your former relationship(s).
Don't make the same mistake(s) again. So write down what is really
important for you and talk about these things when communication with a
Russian lady.
-
The
most important one:
Describe
(write down) in details what kind of person you are looking for. Her
character, hobbies, looks, etc. Use any small details you can think of,
finally the small details are often the most important ones. Never
forget, you are looking for a person who intends to stay the rest of
your life with you!
-
She
should have an (high) education.
In case she has ambitions to work in your country or you wish a woman
who is at a certain level of intelligence.
-
Her
English-speaking capability should be at an adequate level to have a
normal basic conversation with her.
Although people say that
the language of 'love' doesn't need 'words', for practical matters this
could be an important issue for you. Read her English language skills
carefully if this criterion is for any importance for you.
-
She
must have access to a computer with email (or live close to an internet café).
Using only postal mail takes sometimes weeks or month's (or even sometimes
never arrive) to reach each other (i.e. USA<-->Russia), so you both will need
a lot of patience in building a relationship with each other, an alternative
for this problem can be an Agency which uses services like email forwarding or
try to find an internet cafe near by her place where she lives
-
She
must live in- or close to a main city with an airport or main railway station,
or traveling to her place should be within acceptable (travel time) conditions.
Don't forget, Russia is
the biggest country in the world, Moscow and other main cities are pretty
easy to reach, sometimes it takes more time to travel within Russia, than traveling
from your Airport to an airport in Russia, go to our
Maps-page to find out where the main cities of Russia are
-
My
financial situation is sufficient to travel sometimes, to let her travel
to me and support a (new) family.
Most of the men
I met through our website or in person, didn't expect
that the expenses you have to do are sometimes so big that you really should
create a special budget and first find out what kind of expenses you have to
do. Amounts of a average of US$ 5.000 to 15.000 form the very beginning
till the moment you will marry her, are quit normal.
-
My employer will allow me to travel for a perhaps longer and
probably more frequent time than I normally use to take for a holiday.
Especially in the US, most of the people only have two or three weeks
holidays in one year. Don't think it's enough to visit your future partner in
just 5 days to know each other. You really need to spend a considerable time
together before you decide to make that important decision. My advice is,
visit her (in her country) for about 2 or 3 weeks and do this at least 2
times, after that plan some short trips during the time you both are dealing
with her immigration procedure.
-
I
will encourage and support her if she wants to have a (new) job or study
by the time she is living with me in my country.
It is very important
(especially for Russian women) that from the moment she is living with you
in your country, that she wants to do something useful. Russian women don't
like to do nothing, in fact they are 'hard workers' and they like that. She
needs to do something that gives her a useful meaning in her, and your (new) life. So
don't expect that your lady will only clean your house or only cook for you.
If you are looking for that, just hire a cleaning lady.
-
I
will supply her or support her with means to continue communicating with
her family and/or friends when she will live with me. (Email/phone
facilities and traveling sometimes)
Having contact with her
family and friends is very important for your Russian partner. Don't forget
she has to leave everything behind and will have nothing else but you in a
'strange' country. Of course, in time she will get used to your friends and
family and perhaps new friends too, but still it's very important for her to
maintain her 'former' contacts she used to have and contact with her family. So, choose a cheap
phone-line (carrier) company, buy yourself a computer with internet-connection (if
your are now using the PC of your neighbor or work) and she will be happy.
-
We
should have similar interests and hobbies and accept- and have respect
for each other's ambitious challenges in life in
general.
In the beginning it will be
only 'love' you both will see when being together. And as you know, love
makes blind. But in time, she will
want to
start her hobbies again and create new interests or wants to start a study,
whatever. What I mean is, she has her wishes in life too and before you met
her, you also already had a regular life. Therefore it's important that,
beside discovering new things together, it's also important to continue both
your personal interests you already had before you met each other. For this
reason it could be important for both of you, to have similar
interests. The most 'unpleasant' symptom in a relationship is 'getting
bored' or being misunderstood to each other.
-
My
(new) 'goal' of my future is at the same level as the one of my partner
Just be sure that you or
she doesn't need to say in the future: 'if I had knew this before...'
-
I
am aware of the difference between her and my culture and I respect
that.
Russian women are no
'aliens', but they do have a different culture than (Western countries)
have. Each (western) country has his own culture. But the Russian
culture is quite different than we know from many western countries. My message is, try to read some books, magazines or
website articles about the Russian culture in general and about the Russian
culture of Russian women specifically. It will not harm you to do this and I am
sure it will be a rich addition to your general knowledge.
-
I
will respect and support her in (financial) helping her family, if necessary,
who will be left behind.
This is a very vulnerable
issue, especially for her. But very important to say something about it. It
can happen that your future partner has a poor family. Many Russian people
don't have many financial means in their general life. The salaries people earn
(if they have work) are, comparing to us, very low and today the costs of
general life in Russia is growing (but the salaries don't). So it's quite normal in Russia that
members of family help each other. So it could have been (I did) that your
wife normally gave some money to her parents (or just mother or father) to
support them a bit. If she is leaving her country (and her job too) than a
problem could raise in her family. In the beginning your partner will
probably not say anything about this, because she perhaps shames herself for this in
front of you. I am not telling you that you have to maintain your wife AND
her family. But if, for example, your wife starts to work and she wants to
send now and then some money to her family, just respect that. Don't expect
that we are talking about great amounts of money. Many people in Russia live
from US$ 100,- (or less) for one month.
Perhaps
some questions, of the above list, are a little bit exaggerating or even impersonal
for you, but this is only for the reason that your (future) partner will know what your wishes
are and that you will know what her wishes are. Unfortunately I know some
examples of people in similar relationship conditions (long distance), who
already broke up their relationship within one year, after the woman left
everything behind. The main reason for this was that these people didn't know
each other's expectations before they decided to live together. In
other words, their mutual preparation just wasn't sufficient to let their
relationship succeed. One
of the main differences between a 'local' and a 'long distance' relationship is
that you just don't have the practical possibilities to 'try' first, to first
learn about each other better in your own save neighborhood in a 'normal' way, before making the
'big' step.
Beside that, living in a strange country, will not automatically
guaranty a one hundred percent success. You both really have to work hard to
make it successful and one of these critical success factors is; ask yourself
what you really expect (from her) and ask yourself what you think your future partner really expects
(from you) and
try to get this confirmed with each other. If she is smart (and they
are!), she will ask
the same from you, if not, you should encourage her to do the same. Only
communicating at this level, can give both of you a fair change at success.
